Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day

In this post we are sharing Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day. These Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day are specially made for you and the best part is these are free to use, you do not have to pay us anything. We have provided a lot of sharing buttons in this post, so that you can share these Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day.

Funny  Jokes for St. Patrick's Day

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day

Seamus opened the newspaper and was shocked to see an obituary saying he died. In a panic, he phoned his best friend Murphy. “Did you see the paper?!” asked Seamus. “They say I died!” Murphy replied, “Yes, I saw it! So, where ya callin’ from?”


 

McDonald was out for a drive on a beautiful day when he was pulled over by his friend, a policeman. “What’s wrong, Patrick?” McDonald asked. “Well didn’t ya know, McDonald? Your wife fell out of your car a few miles back!” replied Patrick. McDonald let out a sigh of relief and exclaimed “Ah, thank the lord! I thought I had gone deaf!


 

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick's Day

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day

An Irishman and ventriloquist were sitting at a bar and the Irishman was growing more and more mad at the ventriloquist’s Irish-knocking jokes. The Irishmen yells “What’s so funny? We’re not dumb!” The ventriloquist said “listen, I’m sorry, they are just jokes!” In which the Irishman replied, “No, not you! I’m talking to that little bastard on yer knee!”


 

An Irishman, Scotsman, and Englishman go into a pub and order pints of Guinness. When the bartender brings the drinks, they notice right away that each glass has a fly in it. The Englishman, disgusted, refuses the drink and demands another. The Scotsman simply takes the fly out and pretends nothing happened. The Irishman takes the fly out with his fingers, shakes it around while yelling “Spit it out, Spit it out! You bloody bastard, it’s mine!”


 

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick's Day

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day

Murphy and Pat have been friends and drinking partners for years. Pat asks Murphy, “If I shall die before you, will you promise that you will buy the best bottle of whiskey you can find and pour it all over my grave?” “Sure, replied Murphy, “But can I drink it all first?”


 

Neil McCormick was involved in a horrific house fire, and had no family to be contacted, so the police sent for his two best friends, Owen and Paddy, to help identify the body. “Yep, he’s burnt up pretty good!” Said Owen, “It’s hard to tell if that’s even him!” Paddy exclaims, “Oh, I know. Let’s flip him over on his stomach and take a look! Neil had two assholes!” Puzzled, the mortician asks “He had two assholes?!” Paddy says, “Yeah, anytime we would go walking up to the pub, people would always say ‘Here comes Neil with his two assholes!’”


 

An Irishman, Englishman, and a Scotsman were looking up the cost of brains used for the transplant. The cost of a Scotsman or Irishman’s brain was only 500 Euros when the Englishman’s brain was closer to 5,000 Euros. The Englishman exclaims, “That proves that Englishmen are just far more clever and intelligent than Irishmen and Scotsmen. “All lies!” Says the Irishmen, “It just means that the Englishmen never used their brains!”

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick's Day

Funny Jokes for St. Patrick’s Day

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